My god's harder than your god

Love it or loathe it, religion is just one of those facts of life like mildew and premature ejaculation. The same goes for Atheism, Humanism, Science, Fact, Reason, Evidence and a whole bunch of other crazy ideas that people use to fill their sad, lonely, godless lives.

With the recent Atheist adverts causing such a metaphorical storm (only god - or Blackberry - could cause an ACTUAL storm) I thought it might be pertinent to write a post about their effect on the world, the religious, and the heathens. After seeing today that no less than 3 Christian groups have launched their own responses to the Atheist campaign, I felt it was not only pertinent, but extra-pertinent, with added pertness, to post about it today.

So, the recipe for disaster goes like this:

• Step 1: Religious groups have been advertising for years, with messaging ranging from the positive, such as "And Jesus said I am the lamb of god, so enjoy me with a bit of mint sauce: Gordon 3:15" to the negative, such as "And the lord said that if you don't believe in him he will be very upset: Annoyed from Manchester 3:16".

• Step 2: Many years later a group of like-minded Atheists think it might be nice if they had some representation in the world of advertising by spreading their own message. An online campaign starts and thousands donate their own money, which soon turns into an enormous fund for financing the creation and running of the ads. They all like the idea of someone actually putting out advertising stating that their isn't a god at all, but in the end they bottle it and decide to put in the word "probably" so that they don't upset too many people.

• Step 4: MASSIVE CONTROVERSY AND OUTRAGE ENSUES!

• Step 5: Atheists around the world have a good laugh at the amount of offence caused by Atheists spreading their (actually very positive) message, despite the fact that religious groups have been doing so for years. One man even complained to the ASA on the grounds that "they have no proof to back up their claim" meaning one poor soul (probably an intern, if my early industry experience is anything to go by) is tasked with the job of determining whether or not there is in fact a god. The fact that religious groups have been allowed to advertise despite not having an ounce of proof between them (for proof denies faith, and without faith god is nothing) never occurred to this fellow, and presumably if the ASA had enforced a ban on the Atheist ads, they would've had to ban all religious communications.
  

• Step 6: Three separate Christian groups release their own ads hitting back at the Atheist campaign. One of them even uses the same art direction and parodies the copy to prove their point.

• Step 7: Hilarity ensues.

Yes, you read it correctly. So secure are they in their faith that they've felt threatened enough by the Atheist adverts to release their own messages to combat them. Perhaps there has been a sudden rise in people thinking for themselves, which has caused them to panic and realise the need to fight back.

Here is one:






As you can see, it offers compelling proof for the existence of god - that is, once upon a time someone wrote in a book that to say (not even with your mouth, but with your circulatory system) that there is no god, that makes you a fool. Not convinced? What about if it parodied the Atheist ad and said:

"There definitely is a God. So join the Christian Party and enjoy your life."


I don't know why, but I find it very difficult to read that without hearing the voice of a small child stamping its feet saying "Nuh-uh, IS TOO a god!". I'm struggling to understand why they felt the need to put these adverts out as a response to the Atheist campaign, and the parody/mocking nature of it certainly doesn't seem very Christian.

The best way, in my opinion, to analyse this is to look at it in terms of brands. In the red corner you have the Atheist brand. In the blue corner you have the Christianity brand. So let's take a closer look at these brands and try to figure out what is really going on here.

The Atheist brand is undoubtedly a challenger brand. They have lower sales, they're newer on the scene, and the only way they're going to gain any market share is to target younger consumers who are yet to make their mind up about which brand they prefer, OR to convert consumers from another brand to their product. The way they've gone about this is by attacking not only the leading brand, but all of their competitors. Competitor brands to Atheism all use the RTB(IG) - Reason To Believe (In God) that you can only enjoy your life and enjoy eternal salvation if you are to buy their brand. As challenger brands are wont to do, Atheism has turned the industry on its head and given an entirely new RTB, which is that you can enjoy your life without having to worship an almighty deity who not only watches you masturbate, but tuts and wags his finger at you while you do it (there's nothing worse than a disapproving pervert).

Christianity on the other hand is the leading brand. It was essentially the first in the market, and has led ever since - other brands are slowly beginning to steal bits of market in the UK, but these are mostly through new customers (immigrants) rather than through any sort of conversion.

And now for a very geeky, but surprisingly accurate analogy: Christianity is Microsoft, and Atheism is Apple. What Christianity would like is very similar to Microsoft's goal, but instead of a PC on every desk, it's a god in everyone's heart. Christianity is the dad at the disco, it is stuffy, old and boring and when you really make it think about the answer to something it breaks down and gives you the blue screen of death. Atheism is younger, sexier and it shares your belief of thinking different(ly) (or in Atheism's case - for yourself).

Apple launched a campaign poking fun at Microsoft, presenting "I'm a mac" vs. "I'm a PC" with fairly accurate personifications of these computers. Microsoft being unoriginal, old-fashioned and not even slightly down with the kids, decided the best course of action would be to respond with parody ads and launch their own "I'm a PC" campaign. I know when I've taken an analogy too far, and I'm getting very close, but there are some definite parallels here:

Apple & Atheism - challenger brands that launch campaigns poking fun at the old-fashioned ways and beliefs of the market leader, encouraging people to think different(ly).

Microsoft and Christianity - market leaders who are very hurt by having fun poked at them, and don't know how to take a good joke, launching parody ads as a way of hitting back at these young upstarts, and failing miserably to connect with real people in the process.


See you in hell, everyone.